Someone once told me, “Say what you mean and mean what you say.” It’s a bit cliched, yes, but it’s a maxim I try to follow, particularly because I’m a writer and words are, in many ways, my life.

In today’s world, that level of sincerity is sorely lacking. I hear it every time I’m out in public. People say things they don’t necessarily mean, words that more often reflect societal values or expectations rather than a genuine belief or emotion on the part of the speaker.

I’m not calling anyone out. Far from it. The language we choose to use (or not) is one of our most basic freedoms. It’s not up to me to police someone else’s words.

But I do want to point out three words we should absolutely mean when we say them, starting with one I hear entirely too much thanks to a recent trend.

Blessed

Virtue signaling isn’t confined to Social Justice Zealots preening in front of their peers, although that’s a pretty vocal (if niche) group.

I grew up in the rural South where many, many people are Christian. In an effort to testify to their personal faith, a growing number of Christians are now doing a little virtue signaling of their own. For example, Facebook memes designed to shame personal contacts into publicly stating their faith have been circulating for a while. “Share if you love Jesus!” one meme shouts, while a competing meme features a portrait of a man on a cross and states that, “Only true believers will LIKE me.”

While these memes are alarming enough in a land where religious freedom and tolerance is supposed to reign supreme, another trend is just as alarming, but for a slightly different reason. Everywhere I go, people exhort me to “Have a blessed day.” It’s said so casually and in such an offhand manner that I wonder if they’re speaking by rote or from a genuine desire born within themselves for the people they meet to be blessed in some way.

Now, look. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with telling someone to have a blessed day, but “blessed” is a word that shouldn’t be used lightly. To me, this simple word holds a much deeper meaning. When I say, for example, that I was blessed the day my son entered my life, I mean he has been a blessing every single day, that his presence has changed my life for the better and enriched it so much, I have no idea what I would do without him and the love, support, and laughter he so freely gives.

That’s what “blessed” means to me, so when I hear someone toss off the word as if its meaning were superficial, I get a little irritated, especially when it’s used in context with an expression of religious faith. Faith is not a matter one should take lightly. It’s not fodder for virtue signaling and, in fact, it’s so deeply personal, I often wonder how anyone feels free to shove their views onto others, as zealots (of all kinds) are wont to do.

Love

Similarly, “love” is a word that’s bandied about entirely too often. Now, I’m not talking about gushing over the latest designer dress here. No, I’m talking about the people we have in our lives and how we feel about them.

Here is where my introversion comes out. I’m going to make a major confession: I’m not comfortable hugging people. Big surprise, huh? Hugging requires a lot of trust. Like a handshake, born out of the days when the sword hands of two opponents were linked together in a sign of mutual trust, hugging involves allowing someone into one’s personal space. My personal space is really large. It’s not unusual for me to keep even my close family (with the exception of my son, niece, and nephews) at arm’s length. Complete strangers? Pfft. Stand back, people; you’re entirely too close.

How then do you think I feel about telling people I genuinely care about that I love them? Eh. That one’s even more difficult.

For one thing, the word “love” can encompass a wide array of feelings: liking, fondness, affection, caring, admiration, respect, to name a few, my favorite of which is one we English speakers don’t even have a word for. Thankfully, the Filipino language does: Gigil, that uncontrollable urge you have to squeeze something irresistibly adorable. (Yup, there’s really a word for that. Now you know.)

Beyond that, there are different kinds of love: the love of a mother for a child, which is different from the love one feels for a deity, for a friend or comrade in arms, and very different from the kind of love that accompanies passion.

The problem with the casual use of “I love you” to mean something else is that it’s so insincere. Do you really love that person, or are you giving in to his emotional needs and telling him what he wants to hear? Or worse, are you engaging in that passive-aggressive pastime of saying you “love” your friends, when in reality you despise them, gossip about them behind their backs, sabotage their happiness, and otherwise act in a manner contrary to your words?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

“Love” is one of those words that should be used as sincerely as possible. When I tell someone I love them, believe me, I mean it to the bottom of my teeniny little heart. I expect the same from the people in my life, and no, I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

Hero

If there’s one word that has been diminished by its application to less than stellar situations, it’s “hero.” Since 9/11, it’s been applied so liberally to anyone with even the slightest hint of virtue (there’s that word again), it’s all but lost its original meaning.

In the good ol’ days, back when life was so tough you had to go slaughter your own food (after you chased it down and caught it, of course), heroes were larger than life creatures raised above mere ordinary mortals by their courage, daring, and commitment to a quest in the face of great danger.

The first written hero was Gilgamesh, an historical figure of some importance (probably a king, although he’s labeled as a demigod in the epic bearing his name). He fought monsters, enraged a goddess, and was sent on a quest to discover the secret of eternal life.

Beowulf, an entirely literary hero, also fought a monster; since his story was transmogrified from pagan to Christian at some point, we’ll likely never know if he had the temerity to challenge a deity, but he did piss off the monster’s mother.

Odysseus was a hero, a larger than life figure of Greek myth who, among other things, irritated quite a few women, including his own wife, whom he left at home to guard his kingdom while he was tempted by a siren.

Modern day heroes fight different monsters. One of the most touching stories I’ve heard recently is of a little boy who tried to keep his sister from being molested by their mother’s boyfriend. The boyfriend beat the little boy to death. The little girl was permanently maimed and may never see out of her left eye again. Her brother died protecting her. How many others would do the same?

True heroism requires sacrifice. When someone passes off a neighbor rescuing a kitten from a tree as a hero, I remember that little boy and know which of those two is a genuine hero.

Nuanced Speech

The problem here is that as a society, we are losing the ability to understand the nuance of the words we use. Much like Social Justice Zealots and their desire to label anyone of different ideals as a Nazi, regardless of any Nazi affiliation, words that once held real power are diminishing thanks to a casual disregard for their meaning. Every day we are inundated with so many words, we have no time to reflect on them, let alone to discern their individual meanings in relation to our own lives, and so the intent behind a word’s use has also diminished. In a world where people have little time to relax and process their days, catch phrases replace original speech. It’s so much easier to say “Have a blessed day!” than it is to craft an original, thoughtful message tailored to the person with whom we’re holding a conversation.

I’m guilty of casual speech as well. When I walk through the grocery store attempting to navigate crowded aisles, I apologize whether I’m the one blocking buggy traffic or not. It’s a habit I really need to break. After all, why should anyone apologize for something she hasn’t done? And yet, there it is, an automatically murmured apology. Do I really mean it? Eh. The intent behind that apology isn’t to say, “Gee, I’m sorry for taking up this space.” It’s a social lubricant designed to ease my passage through an often impolite and grumpy world.

There is, however, a large difference between that apology and casually bandying about words like “blessed” and “loved.” I’m not poking at anyone here, nor am I trying to shame anyone into watching his or her speech. I do have one request: When you finish reading this post, take a few minutes to reflect on the words you use and put it into practice every once in a while.

For example, the next time you tell someone you love him, take his hand and look him in the eyes as you say it, then reflect upon how good it feels to imbue those words with purpose and meaning. You may be surprised at how such simple actions can deepen the bond between you and the ones you love.

The speech we use doesn’t have to be original. It doesn’t have to be the most lyrically beautiful set of words ever spoken. It only has to hold the meaning we find in it, whatever that may be, and it only has to convey that meaning to others with the sincerity and emotion we wish to impart to the people we interact with every day.